Happy Kanyadaan

Everytime I watch kanyadaan and biddai ceremony in reel and real life, tears start flowing automatically. And this happens not only with me but with my mother, friends and so many ladies around. I have seen them all getting emotional with this event even if they are in no way related to the bride remotely too. I have seen many mother in laws too crying seeing their daughter in laws biddai.

We friends discussed this and all were saying that their daughters start laughing seeing our expressions and ask what the fuss is all about.

New generation is very logical and practical. This is good and necessary too. And I feel time has come that I too accept the reality rather than feeling unhappy.I guess In India our upbringing is made in such environment and with such thought process that we girls have to leave our parents home and we will be somebody else's house daughter once we get married. Our parents never expressly said so but films, serials, relatives, stories all have made us thought that really once we get married and once kanyadaan is done we will no longer belong to our parents and parents home. This process is so dreadful and make us cry. Even today when we have grown up we go through the emotional turmoil everytime because of those norms and beliefs deeply rooted..

I wonder is this thought process 100% relevant in current scenario. Girls today leave their homes for education, jobs and livelihood even before they get married. They get financially and mentally independent once they are educated and once they are in outside world on their own. Girls are self reliant and know how to protect themselves. They tackle problems with their own maturity. Occasionally they turn upto parents for solutions or advice but majority of new generation is in true terms independent even before they tread on journey with someone.

Marriage institution is important and crucial for maintenance of proper social structure. Today majority of girls take decision only when they are convinced and sure. Age norms anymore are not so crucial for this institution. Girls take decision with proper understanding and after analysing pros and cons. In a way they are ready and take responsibility of their decisions to marry or not marry someone. Even in arranged marriages nowadays girls have to a large extent say in what kind of person they would like share their life with.

After marriage couples share their lives. Girls today are no more a responsibility transferred. Husband and wife are equally responsible and capable to deal with changed scenario after marriage. Girls are not forced to accept decisions of in-laws blindly. They have freedom and flexibility to accept changes after marriage. Every family is different. So there are bound to be changes. Food habits,lifestyle,mental process,educational and financial background are different. But girls today because of education and exposure are in better position to accept the changes with maturity. This is no more a single way transformation. Boys too accept changes. There is a culmination of both traditions and practices in households nowadays. Husband wife have freedom to live and change as per comfort and their convenience.

In earlier days daughters' parents felt reluctant to stay and eat at daughter’s house. But now scenario has changed. With single child or small family there are many parents with daughters only. I have seen many such friends. In such cases in old age parents do come to live with their daughters. Why only in old age, modern parents visit regularly and enjoy their stay with daughter’s family whole heartedly. New generation boys are open to changes. Majority of them too leave their parents' home for livelihood and better life. They treat both side parents equally. Parents whether of son or daughter have equal right and equal respect to stay with their children. There is no discrimination.

I guess many people will disagree but I am talking in general about people around. There are still exceptions I know. In many households girls are considered a burden to be transferred to proper household. Parents of girl still consider their daughter to be liability and feel relieved once she gets married. Many inlaws still follow age old norms and bound their daughter in laws with strict rules and regulations. In such cases girl parents are bound to feel worried. But India is changing and are so are people and thier beliefs. On a whole if we see atleast in tier 1 and tier 2 cities for parents, daughters are no more responsibility and daughters don’t get separated after marriage. Many girls don’t even change their surnames nowadays. Legally maiden name is now accepted in India.

I feel what is important is emotional connect. As a parent I feel the moment we give birth we become lifetime responsible whether it is a girl or boy. An event called marriage cannot break the connection and take away all responsibility. Giving birth entail a promise to take care lifetime in best possible way. Marriage should be a happy event when our children find a companion to share life process. Need is of a lifetime friend and lover rather than of a caretaker. We don’t want to pass on responsibility neither we want to get disconnected. As a daughter I am still the same for my parents. I still feel secured and equally owned by them even after decade of marriage. I also feel responsible for them .Marriage doesn’t take away right and responsibility as a child in any manner.

Only because name changes, only because a girl changes her home, her priorities change doesn’t mean that daughter becomes a paraya dhan(else’s wealth). We daughters were, are and will always be equally owned and responsible towards our parents as well as inlaws.I feel we new generations parents should teach all our children-daughters and sons about good virtues of marriage institution. We should never tell our daughters that they will have to leave their homes after marriage. That is a myth. Reality is we should focus on making them self reliant, mentally strong and emotionally connected. We have a role to put strength in their feathers. They should be able to reach for the sky on their own. Then I am sure we will no longer cry on any kanyadaan and bidaai ceremony. I have started working on this thought process and hope my tears will no longer flow on such occasions .