Only Love-No Possessiveness
“Love is not about possession, it’s all about appreciation”
Seeing SRK ‘s photo as my profile photo on social messenger on and off and my appreciation for him so publicly one of my friends recently asked me whether my hubby doesn’t get angry with the same. The question just made me smile. This was not the first time I was asked this question. The concern expressed by her was quite natural considering the tendencies prevalent around us.
SRKs “tu hain meri kiran” song resonated with the feelings of many lovers. Songs like “Tum mere ho, sirf mere hi mere ho” strikes a chord with all those who believe that love is all about being obsessed and being possessive.
In contrast, we both believe in simple philosophy in life. Marriage or for that matter any kind of such love-based relationship is based purely on trust. Either there is trust or there is not. Love is not a phenomenon to be controlled or restricted. It’s one of the most beautiful and natural emotion bestowed upon by Almighty. But being in a serious relationship goes much ahead of love. Love is one of the ingredients which keeps a relationship strong.Trust,responsibility,respect,integrity,caring,understanding go a long way in enriching the beautiful experience of being committed.
I feel a relationship is true and strong only when the individuals can share each and everything under the Sun with their counterpart. Sharing to the extent that one can express freely admiration about someone, appreciate good qualities about someone, discuss about any person without the fear of being judged or suspected. We interact with hundreds of people. It is natural that we will love some or other quality of persons whom we meet. Does that mean we will fall in love or breach the trust each and every time???
Many people don’t like their counterparts talking or socializing with opposite gender freely. They try to impose a whole lot of restrictions either directly or indirectly. A friend of mine working in a corporate cannot share any of her office experiences with her hubby simply because she fears he may misunderstand her relationship with her male colleagues. Another friend who admires her senior cannot praise him since her hubby gets upset. In another case male colleague cannot openly socialize with his female friends since he fears that his girlfriend will get suspicious.Similarly many people don’t like their partners appreciating or liking posts on open forums. Once I tried to discuss about this. The logic given was why to create unnecessary situations and complications. It is more or less like playing with fire and hence better to avoid such interactions. At the end of day, peace and satisfaction of partner matters more.If insecurities arise it creates problem on day to day basis.
This whole concept of being insecure, possessive, suspicious,jealous or being upset is really difficult for me to comprehend.
We have advanced so much professionally, technically then why can’t be advance rationally. Can’t we be a little mature in handling this issue sensitively??
By imposing restrictions are we not hurting the sentiments of our loved ones???We need to understand that every individual deserves his or her own space. Matching of wavelengths is not always possible. Our partners need not share the same level of interest in each subject as we do. In such cases if we share a good bonding over common interests with friends what’s the harm??why the insecurities need to creep in if friends are of opposite gender??We as mature individuals can easily identify how the other person or friend is responding. Onus should be on the individual to identify and manage healthy relationships and distance from people with unhealthy intentions.
When restrictions are imposed its natural human tendency either to go in compromise mode or to rebel. Individuals who can tolerate or are flexible enough will prefer first option, but persons of rebellious nature or with strong opinions will find out ways of doing what they want. Some may even start lying or hiding real life facts and happenings.
I sincerely feel,if a person has to breach trust, he or she will do it any way sooner or later. The real test of relationship lies in the very fact of setting each other free. Only when we are free to express, we discover our own selves and can progress. One can be protective and it is natural when we love someone. We care for their wellbeing and safety. Safety from all kinds of emotional and physical troubles and harm. But being possessive is different from being protective. When a person is forced to operate under constant watch, the personality of person undergoes a change. Love is meaningful and relationship fruitful when it motivates the couple to grow individually preserving and appreciating their own individual traits, likes and dislikes. There is acceptance and mutual respect for all choices and preferences. Opinions are given and not imposed. Warnings and precautionary suggestions are given but no restrictions are made directly or indirectly.
Only when we are exposed to varied situations, people and circumstances, we gather experiences and grow strong. Life is enriched by such experiences. The very feeling of being trusted gives us the confidence to be our own selves. There is no need of any external control for maintaining our integrity. Need is to only to have a strong fundamental base and place called home where we can confide and feel pure bliss. It is the warmth of relationship which fuels mutual trust and faith.
It is rightly said,
“Love can never possess.Love is giving freedom to the other.Love is an unconditional gift,it is not a bargain”.
