Deceptive Assumptions
It had been more than a week that I was working from home. There was some problem which made it impossible for me to travel to office. My work was getting completed but somehow I was in constant anxiety. There was turmoil in my mind and to add to it my senior was also super busy so I could not share my concern. It was not the fear of job but possibility of question being raised on my commitment that was troubling me. When I entered office after around 10 days, everything was as normal as before. I resumed my work without any remark from my boss. I then felt that I had presumed so many things in the past few days unnecessarily.Instead I could just have completed my work and cut off. There were some genuine pressing issues and I had taken proper permission for same. But the tendency of assuming certain things din't let me to be in peace.
Friends’ assumptions are an integral part of our thought process and behavioral pattern. Pre & Post birth our minds are constantly flooded by opinions, suggestions, instructions. All of these to tend to condition our thought process knowingly unknowingly. The conditions we live, people around us, our families and friends are constantly exerting an influence on our subconscious minds. We tend to build a complete set of assumptions based on that.This is right, this is wrong, this is correct; this is the way it should be and so on. Our minds start perceiving things based on assumptions built on everything fed to our minds.
I know of a super bright kid who somehow seemed to lose interest in studies. Parents kept on scolding the kid assuming that he was not concentrating on studies but instead was more interested in playing and having fun in school. But later on discussion with other parents made them realize that the fact was subjects were not properly being taught in class. As a result the kid was unable to grasp the concepts and felt lost.
Whenever I saw my friends living with in-laws I felt they are so lucky. We always stayed alone and I had learnt handling household through complete trial error method. I missed the warmth of elders around .There were some difficult periods when I really felt that living with in-laws would have been such a great support. But today after so many years and discussing with them I realized that they are not at all fully happy or grateful. Instead they feel that living separately is such bliss. They feel that living with in-laws is a responsibility and they miss the privacy and freedom. Initially I was shocked but then I realized it’s all a part of thought process. It was my assumption based on my experience and so was theirs based on their experience. Nobody was right or wrong but the assumptions of opposite situation being great was what made us miss the same.
The other day some colleagues were discussing about the frequent work trips undertaken abroad by seniors in the office. I felt it must be so exhausting considering the wait time, travel time and constant changes in time lines. I overheard someone remarked it must be such a relief and pleasant experience to enjoy trip in international airlines. This literally made me smile on the contrast of assumptions made by all of us. How the person travelling frequently may be feeling is known only to the person himself. But people around tend to arrive at conclusions based on their thought process.
Many tend to believe that people travelling in high end cars, living in super luxurious apartments, enjoying foreign vacations are the ones having all the happiness in world. Take the recent examples of high end weddings of celebrities .All social networking platforms were flooded with discussions about them. The extravagant celebrations can make many people easily believe that since they are having fairy tale weddings they are the happiest beings. But the reality is only known to them. The emotional, mental price they have paid to reach at such a position, the day to day issues faced to maintain such a lifestyle and public image and absolute loss of privacy.
Singles not opting to marry are always a source of discussion and unnecessary gossip for relatives and people around. Many feel unnecessarily sympathetic assuming that single may be feeling lonely and depressed. But the fact may be entirely different. Like in case of one of my friends who when I asked about same explained that how she was in a beautiful comfort zone of her own. She was far away from being lonely or depressed.
Social structure has always played an important role in shaping our mindset. We all over years develop a flowchart of thinking in our minds. Once something is received as input, automatically the processor gives output as per instructions developed over years. Most of us don’t deviate from usual thought process in natural course. It is only when there is some intervention; we may try to think otherwise or from other angle. The situation may seem to be entirely different, once we keep aside our assumptions. It’s like a person being in tears because of happiness and people around wondering why he is so sad?
Till the time such assumptions are restricted to our thinking it is still ok but the moment we start behaving based on that assumptions it starts creating problems and pain in life.Like in my case assuming that boss may be upset, I created stress for myself. In the case of that poor kid, parents unnecessarily scolded him. This happens day in day out, if we observe carefully, with majority of us.
When we consciously get rid of assumptions, we can realize the realities of life in a better way. In our day to day lives, we knowingly unknowingly tend to believe and act on our already filled processor. Due to this we tend to lose our peace and empathy. We always get entangled between right, wrong, happy and sorrow feelings. One of the easiest ways of doing so is having a conversation with the person about whom we are assuming or try putting ourselves in the similar situation. If we are successful in removing assumptions we can see things as they are. This can widen our understanding of situations, about people and happenings around us. We can experience our life in absolute positive way devoid of any biases.
It is rightly said,
"Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think."
